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What do you think of my poem? Opinions please?
Have you forgotten what pleasure feels like, monsieur
The thick, heady musk of squirming sensation
The just blossomed bloom of feverish delight
Have you forgotten what pleasure feels like, monsieur
Stars erupting into shards of painful pleasantry
Skin crawling in an exquisite harmony of flesh
Have you forgotten oh so soon, monsieur?
I like it although there are a few dodgy language choices. When talking about pleasure I wouldn't use the word squirming.
I like the alliteration of blossomed bloom.
Can I ask what you mean by the oxymoron "painful pleasantry" is it like, pain as a release?
On the whole I think this is a good poem, the monsieur bit could be taken out, it's a bit weird and ill-fitted.
THICK CHOCOLATE AT THE ARK-LA-TEX EXQUISITE CAR, TRUCK AND BIKE SHOW 2010 IN GILLIAM, LA